so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
