I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
