Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
