then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
