There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
