I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
