So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
