so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
