the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
