I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
