everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
