He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
