Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
