I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
