I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
