This is not my ceiling
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
