how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
