My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
