so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
