OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
