I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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