she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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