the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
