I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
