Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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