I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
