i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
