So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
