Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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