Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
