you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Randomize
