You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
