Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Someone signed my nipple.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
