You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
