The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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