bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize