at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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