I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
