i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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