My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
people are starting to question the shark bite story
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
