I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
