dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
