So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize