take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
There's even glitter on my cock...
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