i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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