I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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