No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
