i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
