I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
