May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
