I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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