I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Ladies don't puke and tell
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
