There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
