you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
