Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
