God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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