My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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