Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
