I wannas sexs uuuuu
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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