Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
