I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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