We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
