i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
