we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
